KIA's

 Know it all’s are folks who always have an answer to what ever comes up.  They feel compelled to share this answer with others.  

Being a KIA myself I have spent countless hours gathering information.  Countless years perfecting how I could use this information, and jump at the opportunity to share what I have learned.  It is a “teachers”, “mentors” frame of mind.  

I wondered when I was alone for 9 years why I had used my life this way.  Why had I been so curious, observant, thoughtful, almost obsessed at gathering this information, compiling, verifying and clarifying all these interesting things that were not useful to anyone, even me, if there was no reason to use it? 

Children, yes, but most of what I know is so complicated and specific to things that kids are not interested in.  They just stare “HuH?”  Even adults some times do that.  Then I know I have overstepped my bounds and try to simplify but that is such a task I mostly don’t succeed

I could have chosen to just chuck it and focus on some menial task that means nothing, and I did for a long time.  Nothing I did was received any better than my sharing what I learned, so I chose to try again to share what I had accumulated. 

Books are only one persons attempt to do the same.  Remember the blind men and the elephant, all different perspectives.  Not all of us can be published or would we want to.  There are some really smart folks right under your nose.  

Anyway….  Would you rather interact with someone who had no thoughts about anything, is interested only in what they personally think at the moment and could care less if things got done well or not?  Or, a person who had researched, compiled and thought how to share the things they are interested in, wants things to go in a good directions and is willing to think and do what is needed to get good results? 

Your choice, of course, there are many individuals between the couch potato and the flaming fanatic.  A CP is safe never expecting or wanting you to think but a KIA challenges you to engage.   I am a reformed FF. 

It is a beautiful thing when two KIA former FF get together and share.  Wow! What can come of that?  Space flight? New toys? A better world?

There are rules to a True KIA. 

1. Check to see if the person you want to share with knows it already
2. Make sure you wait until it is obvious they want know before even considering sharing.
3. Ask if the person wants you to share.
4.  Be gentle and careful to see if you have their attention or if they are just blowing you off.
5. If it is a real problem that will harm or damage anything go ahead and share. “DON’T TOUCH THAT WIRE!”  As respectfully as possible and don’t worry about reactions or results.  Free will, you know.
6. Respect the other persons pace.  In other words if that person is slower or more deliberate than you are give them time to express or do what ever it is.
7. Always, always check the information you are sharing.  Never share if you are not absolutely sure your have correct information.  Verify everything even if you can’t remember where just know that you have because you did. 
8. The last and most important thing is admit when you don’t know.  We are all learning.  It could be fun to learn something new.

Rules for dealing with a KIA

1. Never assume they mean you harm
2. If you already know something they would like to share SPEAK UP! “You know I have thought about that too.”
3. Use clear and precise communication if you do not want the KIA to share.   “Please, I need to work through this myself”  “Yes, but I need to do this a way that suits me.”  “Thanks for the information I will consider it, but for now I just need to think.”  If that does not work go to #6.
4. Engage in the conversation. Too many folks only use one way conversations (listen until the person is finished (some times feeling trapped in the barrage of unwanted information) , when it is your "turn" to talk and be annoyed if interrupted)  Two way conversations with “Yes I understand, what about this?... I want to know about this part, …I know that from…” interjected into the conversation is a powerful way of letting the KIA know you are or are not interested, what you really want to know, and how you want to interact.
5. Be patient because the KIA is after all a person who has taken a lot of time to gain the information they would like to share and may need to share. 
6.  If you really can’t handle it and the KIA really needs to “Share” and you don’t want to listen, find a polite way of ending the conversation.  A hand on the shoulder to get the KIA attention and “I need to go now.”  Works really well.
7. Know that KIA’s don’t know it all and they know it better than anyone else.
8. Take care of yourself; learn all you can, check your facts and who knows you might become a KIA.

Human Life is more important now than ever.  We all need to be engaged and ready at any moment to speak up.  We could destroy the world if us KIAFF don’t.

600 count sheets

Today I changed my sheets on my bed. This doesn’t seem like a big deal, but a few months ago I spent my discretionary money for new sheets. The 600 count ones that feel like silk. I sink into them like melted butter and fall fast asleep.

This would not be such a big deal if I expected to have such comfort. But since I have had my share of 200 count sheets, scratchy wool blankets or no mattress at all it is a real treat.

All my life I have been between poverty and the expectation of abundance. At times I have been so out of resources as to be sleeping in a tent on the side of the freeway. But, with always a since that there was something better I should have had.

I look back on the thunderstorm that drenched the tent forcing us out into the rain and the days wondering where I would be the next minute as a learning experience. Which, of course, it was, but did I need to learn to enjoy 600 count sheets by not having them? Maybe, I don’t know. But very often the lack didn’t let me enjoy the things I have at the time.

The since of expectation of abundance also made me envious of others that had more and ashamed of what I did have. This is a terrible predicament--half way in between and not happy with either.

But today I love my 600 count sheets, my garden that is makeshift chicken house of old fencing and used 2X4’s, and old wooden ladders painted bright orange, blue and purple and my house with the leaky roof, my dog that got fleas, my chickens that are not laying and that are sneezing, my trees that are dropping leaves all over the place and the beautiful pink fall flowers that are blooming in my bedroom doorway!

I barely can pay the price for this home, but while I have it I will enjoy the smell of the night blooming Jasmine, the sweet fragrance of the orange blossoms and the colors of the 40 roses that are scattered around my garden, the feel of the grass, and the smell of the rain. For today I will slip into my 600 count sheets and melt away to rest and dream of all the sweetness in my life right now, and let all the envy and contempt for not having, not doing, not living another life leave my soul.

I should have done this all along.

Why I still watch Star Trek

Tear jerkers, cause proponents, emotional point makers, interferance with relationships, violent disrespectful relationships, violence, seduction, greed, avarice, covetousness, exploitation, murder, rape, fear mongering, you name it are all on TV 24/7.

It seems like no one has a good simple life with honorable friends and a good feeling about their life's work.

I don't like to be tearful for someone else's problems or joys. I have enough of both in my life. I don't like to be afraid, duped into thinking that my life is not good enough, or be exposed to murder, violence, sexual explicitness, etc...

Star Trek doesn't have these emotional effects on me. All the series were contemplative, realistic, and applicable to real life situations with the added effect of detachment. I don't mean that I live in space or want to. I would just like to think that there is a place for kindness, respect, honor and a since of duty to those around you. Is there?

I still watch Star Trek regularly and the movies too. Why? Because all the "Treks" have content I want to put in my mind and nothing much else does.

Today a 80 year old singer of old Celtic legends, Sean O'Duininn said:

"The only thing we have in this world is our way of thinking.

There is nothing stronger than our way of thinking."

What are "They" wanting you to be thinking by putting all that on TV?

Now, What do you have?

I have the Star Trek way of thinking. Thanks Roddenberry!

Behavioral Secrets

Definition: Confession is the telling of a secret behavior to another with the intention of wanting to change it.

Behavioral secrets stay with us

They run our lives

But confessed to another

Can be examined

And sometimes

Disappear in the light of the telling

"Confession is good for the Soul"

A few days ago I told a friend that I was having trouble keeping up with the dishes. I don't have a dishwasher and sometimes I just don't want to do them. It bothered me for months! Piling up until I just could not stand it. But since I told her I was having a problem with it, I have rinsed out the dishes and washed them as I use them.

Sometimes behavioral secrets disappear in the light of telling!

What Will You Do If you Don't?

Today is the precursor to tomorrow.

What if this Walnut tree did not bloom in the dead of winter? What if it said "I am too little; the best I can do is a few walnuts anyway. Why bother?!

Would I have these lovely little walnuts growing on it in June? Does it care if I may eat them or not? No, but the squirrels will, I am sure. The nut may even be planted by one industrious little squirrel thinking it will be a nice snack only to find later a small walnut tree instead of a good meal.
What if I did not plant a one foot thin little hedge in the front of my garden bed in 2005 with the sun beating down and the wind blowing and drying out this little parcel of my yard? I did not know if I would be here to see it, but what if I didn't plant it? What would I have now?

Would I have this lovely 5 foot hedge in 2010 protecting my vegies from the late afternoon wind and the beating summer sun? In 2005 I really did not know if I would be here in 2010 but I am AND SO IS MY HEDGE.

If I had just said "It's too hard. It's too much work. I don't like dirt anyway. I won't be here anyway." Or my little walnut had said "It's too cold! I don't have what I think I need to make fruit. Who cares if I make walnuts anyway?" Would I have a hedge or would my little walnut tree have great big walnuts on it?

If you don't do what is in front of you--school, home chores, learning how to take care of you body, or practicing things that are hard, scary, or one of the small steps toward a goal--you will not have the fruit tomorrow will you.

Will you?
Then what will you do? What will you have? Where will you go?

TODAY IS THE PRECURSOR TO TOMORROW!

USE TODAY WISELY

OR LOOSE THE BENEFIT TOMORROW!

Where are we going?

I am having trouble with Science. Our world is a finite resource. Everything on the planet is in a defined amount. Each one limited by what is here now. Science is exploring how to use every molecule of it, or should I say use up every molecule.

Science has found ways to separate, concentrate, combine, and even change the molecular structure of just about anything they want. Now they are creating a laser that can blow up a planet!--not only using up what we have here, but dispersing what is not even within our reach.

Who do we think we are? What gives humanity(rather a few humans) the right to change things to suit their curiosity, no matter what the consequences to others (animals, plants, elements, even other planets)?

The sad part is that most of us can not grow our own food, cook our own meals, fix our cars, put up our own fences, mow our own lawns, and we do not even make our beds or wash our own dishes. We let our resources mold, rust and melt into the land fill. Science still can not get rid of nuclear waste, scrub the emissions of a coal fueled electrical plant or find a way to recycle about 1/2 of our garbage, but they can blow up a planet!

Wow! Where are our priorities?

Oh, by the way the complaints about your use of electricity? The Hedron Collider in Europe uses electricity at the same rate as a city of 300,000 people. For what? To find out what happened in the big bang at the beginning of the universe. Wow! again. I think my Christmas lights are really no problem!

Why Societies Have Religious Components

Here I acknowledge the abuses of the leadership that exist in this genre, but the point here is to look at the components themselves.

1. Religious components explain the unexplainable so one can let the concern over it go.
2. Religious components give guidelines to the new generation in an otherwise chaotic existence.
3. Religious components limit the abuses that willful hearts can do to the innocent or weaker.

The larger unanswerable topics like" Why do I exist? What happens when I die? Is there meaning to anything? etc... are usually part of religious concepts. These questions come up in every one's life and are unanswerable as far as we know , but religion has given us a way out of worrying about it. Mysteries like these are questions that we will not be able to let go but for the permission the answers given in religious contexts give.

In covering the other topics the religious components gives rest to the innocent and weak, courage to the faint of heart, and limitations to the strong. A government may be able to make laws that do these things but it takes religious components to self discipline ones self to obey these laws. There is no law enforcement that can stop a willful heart only that heart can stop itself.

Without these components of religious belief the young are left with their imagination to guide them. At this time when it is possible in our society to do anything it is important to set some of these limits in the young. Not as controls, but as guidelines for behavior in an ever increasing population to stop us from destroying our planet and to protect us from each other.

It is one thing to talk about freedom of speech and quite another thing to allow slander, lies, distortions and misleading. It is one thing to talk about imagination and quite another thing to abandon reality all together and live in that fantasy.

The things the ancients struggled with are the same as the things we face today. They, over time, constructed ways of limiting (self-controlling) themselves, facing the unexplainable and keeping violence from destroying them. Humanity itself has not changed. We need to look very hard at the rejection of religious components in the context of a whole life lived with the unbelievable limitless possibilities and potential destructiveness we see today.

I hope we will look hard at this gift of religious components that have for generations allowed us to evaluate the value of our self-interested desires, to limit our greed, to control our aggressions, and to limit imagination to the things that make life better for all.

Aligning one's self

"Aligning yourself with positive people"...that I may be encouraged together with you by the mutual faith." Romans 1:12

Today I saw Ken Burns "National Parks, our best idea". Having been raised in California I knew about Yosemite being the first wilderness aria being set aside as a public park. I knew of the role of John Meir in trying to preserve it for us 100 years before my grandchildren would be able to see this wonder. The fact that it is still here for us to visit is amazing in itself because, as Chani has said the world's people are self-interested and are not altruistic, but Yosemite, Yellowstone, Mount Rainer, the Grand Canyon and other places like these prove that there are some who see into the future and are not just here for themselves.

I choose to be aligned with them-- the John Meurs of the world-- those who see the common good and work to preserve it for the future as well as using it for the present. There are not too many for sure but I choose to be with them.

Altruism is a choice. Giving up what would be good for you in the short term for the future of your family, your town, your country, your state, your nation and the world's future--what more could we do for ourselves than to say we have preserved something, taken care of something, saved something, not wasted something and turned it over to future generations for the good of us all?

In my own way I am doing that. Generations of my family have worked to preserve a heritage for our family, some better than others, it has now come to me. I choose to have it to pass on. I hope that the next generation will do the same.

If this is also self-interest so be it. I want to be that kind of self-interested.

Google each National Park, State Park, and County Park and see what others have left for you! And view the memory book I gave each of you and see what these folks have left for our family.

The Locked Doors

Do you know who you really are?

How did you get put in the box you are in?

Is there someone else inside you that needs to be expressed?

Self examination, life's precious gift to know one's self.

Today I saw Six Degrees of Separation. In this movie a young man pretended/imagined his way into the lives of several prominent families only to be part of a world he was not born into. His fate was, for many of us, familiar.

This monologue was the most significant:

"The imagination has been moved out of the realm of being our link, our most personal link with our inner lives and the world outside that world and the world we share.

What is schizophrenia but a horrifying state where what's in here(head) doesn't match with what's out there.

Why has imagination become a synonym for style... I believe that imagination is the passport we create to take us into the real world. I believe that the Imagination is just another word for what is most uniquely us.

Jung said"The greatest sin is to be unconscious." Holden says "What scares me most is the other guy's face. It wouldn't be so bad if you could both be blindfolded" Most of the time the face that we face is not the other guy's, but our own face.

And it is the worst kind of yellowness to be so scared of yourself that you put blindfolds on rather than deal with yourself.

To face ourselves---that's the hard thing. The imagination--that's God's gift to make the act of self examination bearable."

In me there is a teacher, a lover of knowledge, proficient in many genera, experienced in many fields, but the door was closed because I am dyslexic. I can't spell. Teachers need to spell correctly; this was the first door that slammed in my face.

The door is closed to me who loves the "art" of teaching and the inspiration of knowing that you can share this love, but for those who can follow a line it is open. Many times they shoot down people like me by telling us we ask too many questions. The threat is that we want to know more than they themselves know.

I am not saying that all doors should be opened, for there are many who do not know and need to be instructed. But, so many of us who genuinely love learning, God, creativity, spontaneity, and life are stifled by those who have not the capacity to enjoy the reality of these themselves. They are in control in order to keep "knowing" under their rigid level of understanding. They should rather be guiding us to go beyond the rote to the abstract that created the rote, thus opening the door to go further rather than only knowing what others have said.

However, these same "limiters" venerate those lovers of life...artists, writers, poets etc... while at the same time try to kill their joy by analyzing their lives and quantifying their work and then closing doors to their participation by finding fault.

Thank God I do not accept their limits, but, boy is it hard to feel OK in a world with these circumstances.

Aloneness

I saw a picture of my grandson that reminded me of the way he likes to be alone. I used to be that way too. I remember sitting out on the rocks in front of Cannery Row finding peace in the sound of the ocean crashing on the big rocks splashing up into the sky and falling back into the foam.

I was the oldest in a chaotic family of 4 siblings. My parents were not happy and there was never a quiet moment. Sitting by the ocean with its rhythmic roar was very different from hearing my parents argue or my siblings constant babble. With a dog, 14 cats, 3 siblings and fighting parents there was never a moment of quiet and then came the television, radio , and phonographs. But by the ocean it was all drowned out, not only from the air but from my mind.

There was always the reentry into the chaos but for a moment I was at peace and one with something bigger than myself, bigger than the goings on around me, just the "isness" of being.

This separateness gave me some comfort, but I really wanted to be part of something. I searched all through my life for the one place I fit in, but at every turn there was someone that wanted my place. Someone who was jelous of what I could do or wanted so badly to do it themselves that they needed to discredit me so they could take over. As I backed down to their greater desire I lost my place over and over until now there is nothing that I want to be a part of.

It took me a long time to give up wanting to be part of something. I wonder if he has given up already.

Reflections on Second Weddings

I have thought about my ex-husband's weddings. The vows that were taken at our wedding were that we would "love" each other but have no commitment. These new vows are that even though we may hurt each other we don't mean to. Interesting.

The assumption that one is loved no matter what the other does and the assumption that no matter how hurtful you are to the other they should always know you don't mean it? Interesting. I wonder how many hurts it takes to have this mean absolutely nothing.

This life path is the same as his father's-- spend the first part of your life working out your own frailties, trying to control your spouse, and (intentionally or unintentionally) demoralize the mother of your children until she gives up and then choose someone else to live out the rest of your life with when you have learned what hurts a companion and don't want to do that anymore. Interesting.

How long until women recognize this pattern and stop participating?

That's all I have to say about that.

I saw John Lennon today

I saw John Lennon today, long gone, but still in the ghosts of the video tape. His "bed in" caused quite a stir. The message was "give peace a chance". I have listened to the churches preach "love one another" and the golden rule "do unto others as you would have them do to you" and many more like statements.

I find myself in a quandary. The only way these things work is if everyone does it. Just one person not thinking of others needs, just one person finding that hitting or yelling gets their way no matter if it is good or not, just one person taking advantage of others and the whole "Peace" thing goes up in smoke unless. . .there is something in place that holds them accountable.

Tolerance is fine until someone takes advantage of the tolerance of others. Patience is fine unless someone keeps blocking progress on purpose. Forgiveness is fine until someone repeats the offence until there is no more room for forgiveness. Loving(emotionally) is not enough, but caring what happens to them and being willing to do something about the difficulties they face is another. Words are not enough.

Love, Peace, Tolerance, Forgiveness, Patience, Acceptance, Openness-- All really good words, but there are actions, parameters, and accountability in these words. If not, then there is abuse. Where there is abuse there is disillusion. Where there is disillusion there is disappointment. Where there is disappointment there is discouragement. Where there is discouragement there is depression and at the end there is resentment that causes unloving, un-peaceful, unforgiving, intolerant acts. Then all is in smoke.

We can not afford health care for all but we can spend billions in Afghanistan to stabilize their country. We can send a probe to Pluto, but not give all our citizens secure banking. We can spend millions on entertaining movies, but not for keeping our public parks in order and the list goes on and on and on. . . . . . . . . .

What is wrong with this picture? Peace will only come when we want to take care of each other and stop getting what we think we need despite what it does to others and our planet. Who does this start with? Well, you decide. John said we could do it if we try. I have become a bit cynical. Who wants to try anymore?

Oservation

Wednesday, Aug 12, makes 7 years of this different life. I know that our bodies change all the cells in it on a 7 year cycle, so I am a completely different person than I was when I got here. Except the ends of my hair which I decided not to cut because there must be a little left of the past.

It has changed my perspective to realize this. I am not sure why but it has and I feel different.

We will see what the next 7 years brings.

Build, Build, Build

If a contractor came upon a prime located property, just what he wanted for a building he had in his mind. Perfect, except that it had been an old creosote factory, and now was used as a dump for unwanted furniture, trash, a few old cars, and smelled to high heaven. And, this same property was a swamp full of dead trees rotting vegetation and filth. And, it also had been a depository for dead cows from the local farms and chicken manure and all manure of farm waste. Even to see what this land could be he had to overlook all the filth! But, he was a great contractor and could see right past it to the finished building, eco friendly, green roof, undisturbed wet land--everything.

What would he do?

Would he complain about the unknown people who had dumped their unwanted trash, find the farmers that had dumped the dead animals and complain about the way the property had been misused and neglected? Perhaps, but most likely if he really wanted to build his dream on this property he would negotiate with the city to clean up the property for tax relief, and dumping rights in the city waste disposal. He would get his contractors in to clean up and clear the land, properly dispose of the filth and animal remains and cut down and recycle the trees, clean up and plan around the wet spots, drill holes for pylon supports and plot out what the new building would look like right there.

It would be a waste of time and would not get the property fixed for the contractor to complain or even recite what was wrong with the property other than to find folks to clean it up.

He would build, build, build!

Too much time is spent reciting what is wrong.

See, plan, build, build, build!

It is the way to get things done.

I Heard An Echo Today

I heard an echo today from the past
Its meaning is etched in glass
Scraping its way into the soul
It mars even the deepest recesses
It yells from deep within the void to harm

What is this echo? I ask myself.
Why, since it is so hurtful, has it come back to haunt
Or rather does it taunt me with its repetition to do something this time?

It called the first time, but I was struck like stone
My body, mind and soul had no bone
So, I did nothing.

I have looked into my soul and found it wanting.
Wanting the strength and grit to address this echo now.
But how?

What is this echo?

YOU DO THIS ON PURPOSE!

This echo's impact is far and wide
It is part of who we think we are
It is how we assess each other
It is wrong, hurtful and destroys!
What can be done?

There is always a reason why someone destroys opportunity.

It is not done "on purpose"; it is done in reaction to something.
Unless that "something" is addressed the cycle of destruction is repeated over and over
And then there is the blame. . .

You don't want to succeed.
You are just lazy.
You can, but won't do it.
Your past is keeping you where you are.
I don't have the time to do anything about it.
It is up to you to change.

But, underneath the destruction is a "Child"
With all the potential he or she was born with
Stuck in a lie!

It take special attention to reach down and give this "child" a way out.
It takes loving them enough to see this "child", and then work on the way to free him or her from this echo.

Bondage comes in many forms
The mind's bondage is much harder to untie but not impossible.
Every day is a new day and that "child" waits in terror. . .

for you!

Domestic Partnership

The Gay Community has this right. I used to be called a house wife but that carried with it a demotion to servant. Wife: the one who backs up but has no power in the affairs of her husband. But, Domestic Partner, Well, that is another matter. This implies that there is equality. One partner is the business partner and the other is the domestic partner.

Yes! Domestic Partner! Equal but very different from the business partner. Yes! let us "wives" start thinking of ourselves as Partners. What a difference it makes in the way we feel about the things we need to do to keep a home in good working order and the children fed, educated, and healthy. We are then not subject to our husbands but equal. And, we are in an ongoing business of the domestic life of the whole family not just a helper/servant in our households.

Yes! Domestic Partners!

The Imposter Syndrome

I have just sent off another of my doings. As I let them sit in my house where I could see them for at least the last month, hoping to retain the memory of them; I realized that I had sent hundreds of these doings off and always forgot that I had done them. Or at least when I saw them again it seemed like someone else surly did it because I could not have done so well.

I think the fact is even when they were finished from that moment on it seemed like someone else had done them. I remember the ones that I did poorly much better. The ones that I did exceptionally well are a blur. Why? Maybe Chani, my son, has put his finger on it with his blog---Impostor Syndrome

I have been an impostor for most of my life.

I am a person, I have known this. But, a mom, teacher, master gardener, director of Young Author's Conferences, wife, friend, clown, executor of an estate, caretaker for the elderly, seamstress, doll maker, sign language interpreter, artist? I don't know. All of these were temporary states in an ongoing consciousness...........

Every time I get put in one of these roles I rebel deep inside myself somehow. Like it is strangling me as a person. I can fill those roles for a while but if pressed to continue past whatever internal time my consciousness has given me--I feel trapped.

If I look back on any of these roles I can see the flaws in my performance like lights in the darkness--every flaw proves I am really an imposter. But the successes? They dim into oblivion. Maybe that is why I need so much reassurance. And when I don't get it, I die and so does the since of internal accomplishment.

It would be easy to say "Oh, just don't feel that way!", but it hasn't worked.

Interesting insight.

Close Your Eyes

I was just listening to James Taylor and he sang this song:

The Sun is sinking down
But the Moon is slowly rising
This old World must still be spinning 'round
And I still love you.

So, close your eyes,
You can close your eyes, it's alright.
Oh, I don't know no love songs,
and I can't sing the blues anymore...
Sure, but I can sing this song
Yes and, you can sing this song when I'm gone...

I was thinking of the times in any relationship when I could close my eyes and feel that everything was alright because I was loved.

There is so much judgment in relationships that there is always the fear of abandonment. Not just of physical leaving, but of the love leaving, the respect leaving, the kindness leaving, the caring leaving that every moment we need to keep our eyes open.

Think about this. Do you give those that are around you the feeling they can close their eyes?

Chip A Way!

Chip A Way!

I cut down a tree branch that was making my yard very dark. It was about 8 feet long, 4 feet high and 6 feet wide. It blocked my way through the yard. I chopped on it in one foot segments, one branch at a time, finding the joints and using the bigger tools to cut the thicker parts.

The result was a small 2x2x2 foot pile with still further to go if I wanted to cut every segment into smaller pieces.

I thought to myself the dark shadows of our lives are like that. If we take one small piece of it at a time the darkness gives way to the light.

Chip away! The darkness is not as thick as it seems.

The Light is there!

Fashy Moments

New Year’s Resolution

Years ago I had this surprising vision of my neighbor's roof out my kitchen window for a long time I have looked for the same effect and did not see it again. (Writing that day below) This morning I looked out and the twinkly little drops were there again. But…it was not the same thrill. Not the same still moment of wonder. Just the roll of the water twinkling in the sun as the frost melted.

Then I went outside. It is a frosty day bright, crisp, and cold. I heard the little humming birds tweet in the trees and as I looked to make sure they had nectar in the feeder. A little male flew about 4 feet away from me stopped in mid air to check me out then flew to the feeder and ate. Every once in a while as he licked up the sweet nectar he looked at me to make sure I wasn't going to get him. As he turned his brilliant ruby throat flashed in the sun. I had the same breathtaking awe as I had when I first saw the drops sparkle in the sun on the frosted roof.

I wonder if this is why we get bored. This thrilling realization feeling is very intoxicating. The exhilaration of seeing something for the first time is quite amazing and the desire to repeat it is almost irresistible. But is there a down side to this?

As I experienced with the roof the second time is not as powerful. In fact it is a bit flat. I wonder if looking at that roof again will ever feel like the first time. Enjoying the moments that come our way as the flash of red of the hummingbird’s throat or the sparkles on the roof were are the highlights in the painting of life. Those moments that stand out to give us pleasure while the rest of life is being lived.

I will enjoy the moments as they come and find pleasure in the things that are not flashy. This will make all of life worthwhile.

2006
A Black Roof

Night falls—A Sun dried black roof sits in the amber glow of the streetlights. Slowly tiny white fingers creep across the dark granular surface turning it into an invisible gray. The black roof is perched chilled in the amber glow waiting for redemption. Stony silence fills the night air as everything slumbers.

A faint glow at the edge of sight wakes the tiny birds sleeping in the trees. One by one they begin their morning serenade. The air fills with their music. Pink clouds fill the heavens above echoing the peachy glow of the streetlights. The peachy color turns to clear light revealing the white blanket covering the darkness of the black roof.

Quietly but swiftly fingers of brightness reach out to touch the top of the chimney warming the first row of bricks causing the tiny crystal tendrils to change form and flow under the white blanket below. Color transforms as the crystals feel the fingers of the clear transformed essence of the whiteness sneak under the blanket and dissolve its resolve to be there.

The light reaches the peak of the roof making a jagged outline of the house next door. The outline creeps relentlessly down the rough surface of the black roof, keeping its shape as it descends. The clear essence sneaks under the whiteness as it intrudes further down the surface of the black roof.

The sun’s rays hit, clear drops tumble down each shingle, each one twinkling with joy like star glitter is dancing on the black roof’s rough surface. Darkness seeps down the slope to fan out like feathers under the whiteness below.

Soon the whiteness is no more the black roof twinkles with delight. It crackles quietly as tiny wisps of white gossamer waft into the air. Redeemed at last the black roof is dry again. A day has begun.