Today I changed my sheets on my bed. This doesn’t seem like a big deal, but a few months ago I spent my discretionary money for new sheets. The 600 count ones that feel like silk. I sink into them like melted butter and fall fast asleep.
This would not be such a big deal if I expected to have such comfort. But since I have had my share of 200 count sheets, scratchy wool blankets or no mattress at all it is a real treat.
All my life I have been between poverty and the expectation of abundance. At times I have been so out of resources as to be sleeping in a tent on the side of the freeway. But, with always a since that there was something better I should have had.
I look back on the thunderstorm that drenched the tent forcing us out into the rain and the days wondering where I would be the next minute as a learning experience. Which, of course, it was, but did I need to learn to enjoy 600 count sheets by not having them? Maybe, I don’t know. But very often the lack didn’t let me enjoy the things I have at the time.
The since of expectation of abundance also made me envious of others that had more and ashamed of what I did have. This is a terrible predicament--half way in between and not happy with either.
But today I love my 600 count sheets, my garden that is makeshift chicken house of old fencing and used 2X4’s, and old wooden ladders painted bright orange, blue and purple and my house with the leaky roof, my dog that got fleas, my chickens that are not laying and that are sneezing, my trees that are dropping leaves all over the place and the beautiful pink fall flowers that are blooming in my bedroom doorway!
I barely can pay the price for this home, but while I have it I will enjoy the smell of the night blooming Jasmine, the sweet fragrance of the orange blossoms and the colors of the 40 roses that are scattered around my garden, the feel of the grass, and the smell of the rain. For today I will slip into my 600 count sheets and melt away to rest and dream of all the sweetness in my life right now, and let all the envy and contempt for not having, not doing, not living another life leave my soul.
I should have done this all along.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Today I picked my first bowl of Marian Berries. I had been waiting for the day when the tiny green, then bigger pink, and then even bigger red berries would be a luscious black and today was the day.
I had been digging the trenches for another part of my watering system when I glanced up and saw the shiny bumps of the black berries sparkling in the morning sunlight. I went into the enclosure and picked one soft but firm fruit off the vine. And slowly put it onto my tongue. The berry was firm, smooth coldness in my mouth. The little balls of juice popped as I squished it with my tongue. The juice was first sour, then sweet, and then came the fragrance and flavor of flowers! What a treat!
I held out one hand and piled as many berries as I could hold, stopping to pick a few raspberries along the way. When I could not hold any more I carefully walked into the house, rinsed them off and put them in this bowl. I just happened to have some whipped cream I had bought in anticipation of the fruit harvest.
I love my garden!