Sunday, June 21, 2009

I Heard An Echo Today

I heard an echo today from the past
Its meaning is etched in glass
Scraping its way into the soul
It mars even the deepest recesses
It yells from deep within the void to harm

What is this echo? I ask myself.
Why, since it is so hurtful, has it come back to haunt
Or rather does it taunt me with its repetition to do something this time?

It called the first time, but I was struck like stone
My body, mind and soul had no bone
So, I did nothing.

I have looked into my soul and found it wanting.
Wanting the strength and grit to address this echo now.
But how?

What is this echo?


This echo's impact is far and wide
It is part of who we think we are
It is how we assess each other
It is wrong, hurtful and destroys!
What can be done?

There is always a reason why someone destroys opportunity.

It is not done "on purpose"; it is done in reaction to something.
Unless that "something" is addressed the cycle of destruction is repeated over and over
And then there is the blame. . .

You don't want to succeed.
You are just lazy.
You can, but won't do it.
Your past is keeping you where you are.
I don't have the time to do anything about it.
It is up to you to change.

But, underneath the destruction is a "Child"
With all the potential he or she was born with
Stuck in a lie!

It take special attention to reach down and give this "child" a way out.
It takes loving them enough to see this "child", and then work on the way to free him or her from this echo.

Bondage comes in many forms
The mind's bondage is much harder to untie but not impossible.
Every day is a new day and that "child" waits in terror. . .

for you!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Domestic Partnership

The Gay Community has this right. I used to be called a house wife but that carried with it a demotion to servant. Wife: the one who backs up but has no power in the affairs of her husband. But, Domestic Partner, Well, that is another matter. This implies that there is equality. One partner is the business partner and the other is the domestic partner.

Yes! Domestic Partner! Equal but very different from the business partner. Yes! let us "wives" start thinking of ourselves as Partners. What a difference it makes in the way we feel about the things we need to do to keep a home in good working order and the children fed, educated, and healthy. We are then not subject to our husbands but equal. And, we are in an ongoing business of the domestic life of the whole family not just a helper/servant in our households.

Yes! Domestic Partners!

Friday, June 12, 2009

The Imposter Syndrome

I have just sent off another of my doings. As I let them sit in my house where I could see them for at least the last month, hoping to retain the memory of them; I realized that I had sent hundreds of these doings off and always forgot that I had done them. Or at least when I saw them again it seemed like someone else surly did it because I could not have done so well.

I think the fact is even when they were finished from that moment on it seemed like someone else had done them. I remember the ones that I did poorly much better. The ones that I did exceptionally well are a blur. Why? Maybe Chani, my son, has put his finger on it with his blog---Impostor Syndrome

I have been an impostor for most of my life.

I am a person, I have known this. But, a mom, teacher, master gardener, director of Young Author's Conferences, wife, friend, clown, executor of an estate, caretaker for the elderly, seamstress, doll maker, sign language interpreter, artist? I don't know. All of these were temporary states in an ongoing consciousness...........

Every time I get put in one of these roles I rebel deep inside myself somehow. Like it is strangling me as a person. I can fill those roles for a while but if pressed to continue past whatever internal time my consciousness has given me--I feel trapped.

If I look back on any of these roles I can see the flaws in my performance like lights in the darkness--every flaw proves I am really an imposter. But the successes? They dim into oblivion. Maybe that is why I need so much reassurance. And when I don't get it, I die and so does the since of internal accomplishment.

It would be easy to say "Oh, just don't feel that way!", but it hasn't worked.

Interesting insight.