Deep Thoughts

Mind Sets

Because of mass media we have around us belief structures that float through our consciousness’ and pass like clouds in the sky all hoping to solidify in us and fix our minds in a form.

These create an action system. Each have, a form, a structure, a goal or way that would create the ability to choose the “right” path in life. 

 

Because all of us want to do our best from the first moment to the last we look for a way to evaluate ideas that will fit our lives and give us the parameters we will use to deal with much more information than our minds can process.

We search in this pool of mind sets, but this search is not an easy one. It takes commitment to each one to truly understand and therefore requires flexibility because many are not viable. The necessity to recognize and to change with this unsustainability of the current form and the work to discover a new paradigm that will be sustainable is the goal of any thinking person.

The unfortunate thing is in order to keep us within each mind set's grasp, each one is at odds with every others of like kind. The parameters within these limits the ability to change. The strongest is the hope of advancement with the abandonment hook if one does not follow the "right" path. Another is the unexamined prejudice against any other paradigm and the habitual responses inherent in staying within for a long time.

In the book named “Ishmael” the two mind sets are the Takers and the Leavers. Takers exploit no matter who or what gets damaged. The Leavers use what they need and leave the rest for others.

“Ishmael” explores these two paradigms. It  discusses ways that the behavior of the Leavers looks like that of the Takers. This is important because many times the mind sets cross or overlap. If any sets are examined these crossing points are where real truth and stability reside.

I believe this is the goal of the book—to recognize and turn from the Taker life style and to turn to the Leaver life style in order to save the panet.

Interesting. 

Deep Thoughts

Does your behavior affect anyone but your own self?

Recently, I had a difficult encounter with a woman whose child of 25 had just been arrested for being party to a gang killing of another youth. I had just met the young man, his baby and his wife the week before.  Good looking, courteous young man.  This mother was beside herself.  She could not stop crying.  A mother’s nightmare!  This young man had destroyed his life in a moment--Prison, even life in prison, is all he can look forward to now.  Did this moment of poor judgment affect only him? 

This is an extreme case, but the effect on his mother was not unlike many of us who have had hopes and dreams for our children. What a mother hopes for her child is that it lives a happy fulfilled and harmless life.

In a moment a girl/women becomes a caretaker of a new life.  A mother does not go through 9 months of difficulty, 18-20 years of sacrifice of self for another just to have it all thrown away with poor judgment or rebellion.  Or, she does not expect to!

It seems that giving life to another, raising it and loving it is not enough.  That child has a responsibility to his/her parents too!

Some misjudgments can work out OK but others ruin lives!  A lot is expected of a person who gives life to another-- but, what of the expectations of the child? 

This young man dashed the dreams of everyone around him with one stupid miss-judgment! 

 

Wow!  

 

 

KIA's

 Know it all’s are folks who always have an answer to what ever comes up.  They feel compelled to share this answer with others.  

Being a KIA myself I have spent countless hours gathering information.  Countless years perfecting how I could use this information, and jump at the opportunity to share what I have learned.  It is a “teachers”, “mentors” frame of mind.  

I wondered when I was alone for 9 years why I had used my life this way.  Why had I been so curious, observant, thoughtful, almost obsessed at gathering this information, compiling, verifying and clarifying all these interesting things that were not useful to anyone, even me, if there was no reason to use it? 

Children, yes, but most of what I know is so complicated and specific to things that kids are not interested in.  They just stare “HuH?”  Even adults some times do that.  Then I know I have overstepped my bounds and try to simplify but that is such a task I mostly don’t succeed

I could have chosen to just chuck it and focus on some menial task that means nothing, and I did for a long time.  Nothing I did was received any better than my sharing what I learned, so I chose to try again to share what I had accumulated. 

Books are only one persons attempt to do the same.  Remember the blind men and the elephant, all different perspectives.  Not all of us can be published or would we want to.  There are some really smart folks right under your nose.  

Anyway….  Would you rather interact with someone who had no thoughts about anything, is interested only in what they personally think at the moment and could care less if things got done well or not?  Or, a person who had researched, compiled and thought how to share the things they are interested in, wants things to go in a good directions and is willing to think and do what is needed to get good results? 

Your choice, of course, there are many individuals between the couch potato and the flaming fanatic.  A CP is safe never expecting or wanting you to think but a KIA challenges you to engage.   I am a reformed FF. 

It is a beautiful thing when two KIA former FF get together and share.  Wow! What can come of that?  Space flight? New toys? A better world?

There are rules to a True KIA. 

1. Check to see if the person you want to share with knows it already
2. Make sure you wait until it is obvious they want know before even considering sharing.
3. Ask if the person wants you to share.
4.  Be gentle and careful to see if you have their attention or if they are just blowing you off.
5. If it is a real problem that will harm or damage anything go ahead and share. “DON’T TOUCH THAT WIRE!”  As respectfully as possible and don’t worry about reactions or results.  Free will, you know.
6. Respect the other persons pace.  In other words if that person is slower or more deliberate than you are give them time to express or do what ever it is.
7. Always, always check the information you are sharing.  Never share if you are not absolutely sure your have correct information.  Verify everything even if you can’t remember where just know that you have because you did. 
8. The last and most important thing is admit when you don’t know.  We are all learning.  It could be fun to learn something new.

Rules for dealing with a KIA

1. Never assume they mean you harm
2. If you already know something they would like to share SPEAK UP! “You know I have thought about that too.”
3. Use clear and precise communication if you do not want the KIA to share.   “Please, I need to work through this myself”  “Yes, but I need to do this a way that suits me.”  “Thanks for the information I will consider it, but for now I just need to think.”  If that does not work go to #6.
4. Engage in the conversation. Too many folks only use one way conversations (listen until the person is finished (some times feeling trapped in the barrage of unwanted information) , when it is your "turn" to talk and be annoyed if interrupted)  Two way conversations with “Yes I understand, what about this?... I want to know about this part, …I know that from…” interjected into the conversation is a powerful way of letting the KIA know you are or are not interested, what you really want to know, and how you want to interact.
5. Be patient because the KIA is after all a person who has taken a lot of time to gain the information they would like to share and may need to share. 
6.  If you really can’t handle it and the KIA really needs to “Share” and you don’t want to listen, find a polite way of ending the conversation.  A hand on the shoulder to get the KIA attention and “I need to go now.”  Works really well.
7. Know that KIA’s don’t know it all and they know it better than anyone else.
8. Take care of yourself; learn all you can, check your facts and who knows you might become a KIA.

Human Life is more important now than ever.  We all need to be engaged and ready at any moment to speak up.  We could destroy the world if us KIAFF don’t.

600 count sheets

Today I changed my sheets on my bed. This doesn’t seem like a big deal, but a few months ago I spent my discretionary money for new sheets. The 600 count ones that feel like silk. I sink into them like melted butter and fall fast asleep.

This would not be such a big deal if I expected to have such comfort. But since I have had my share of 200 count sheets, scratchy wool blankets or no mattress at all it is a real treat.

All my life I have been between poverty and the expectation of abundance. At times I have been so out of resources as to be sleeping in a tent on the side of the freeway. But, with always a since that there was something better I should have had.

I look back on the thunderstorm that drenched the tent forcing us out into the rain and the days wondering where I would be the next minute as a learning experience. Which, of course, it was, but did I need to learn to enjoy 600 count sheets by not having them? Maybe, I don’t know. But very often the lack didn’t let me enjoy the things I have at the time.

The since of expectation of abundance also made me envious of others that had more and ashamed of what I did have. This is a terrible predicament--half way in between and not happy with either.

But today I love my 600 count sheets, my garden that is makeshift chicken house of old fencing and used 2X4’s, and old wooden ladders painted bright orange, blue and purple and my house with the leaky roof, my dog that got fleas, my chickens that are not laying and that are sneezing, my trees that are dropping leaves all over the place and the beautiful pink fall flowers that are blooming in my bedroom doorway!

I barely can pay the price for this home, but while I have it I will enjoy the smell of the night blooming Jasmine, the sweet fragrance of the orange blossoms and the colors of the 40 roses that are scattered around my garden, the feel of the grass, and the smell of the rain. For today I will slip into my 600 count sheets and melt away to rest and dream of all the sweetness in my life right now, and let all the envy and contempt for not having, not doing, not living another life leave my soul.

I should have done this all along.

Berry Good Experience

Today I picked my first bowl of Marian Berries. I had been waiting for the day when the tiny green, then bigger pink, and then even bigger red berries would be a luscious black and today was the day.

I had been digging the trenches for another part of my watering system when I glanced up and saw the shiny bumps of the black berries sparkling in the morning sunlight. I went into the enclosure and picked one soft but firm fruit off the vine. And slowly put it onto my tongue. The berry was firm, smooth coldness in my mouth. The little balls of juice popped as I squished it with my tongue. The juice was first sour, then sweet, and then came the fragrance and flavor of flowers! What a treat!

I held out one hand and piled as many berries as I could hold, stopping to pick a few raspberries along the way. When I could not hold any more I carefully walked into the house, rinsed them off and put them in this bowl. I just happened to have some whipped cream I had bought in anticipation of the fruit harvest.

I love my garden!

Why I still watch Star Trek

Tear jerkers, cause proponents, emotional point makers, interferance with relationships, violent disrespectful relationships, violence, seduction, greed, avarice, covetousness, exploitation, murder, rape, fear mongering, you name it are all on TV 24/7.

It seems like no one has a good simple life with honorable friends and a good feeling about their life's work.

I don't like to be tearful for someone else's problems or joys. I have enough of both in my life. I don't like to be afraid, duped into thinking that my life is not good enough, or be exposed to murder, violence, sexual explicitness, etc...

Star Trek doesn't have these emotional effects on me. All the series were contemplative, realistic, and applicable to real life situations with the added effect of detachment. I don't mean that I live in space or want to. I would just like to think that there is a place for kindness, respect, honor and a since of duty to those around you. Is there?

I still watch Star Trek regularly and the movies too. Why? Because all the "Treks" have content I want to put in my mind and nothing much else does.

Today a 80 year old singer of old Celtic legends, Sean O'Duininn said:

"The only thing we have in this world is our way of thinking.

There is nothing stronger than our way of thinking."

What are "They" wanting you to be thinking by putting all that on TV?

Now, What do you have?

I have the Star Trek way of thinking. Thanks Roddenberry!

Behavioral Secrets

Definition: Confession is the telling of a secret behavior to another with the intention of wanting to change it.

Behavioral secrets stay with us

They run our lives

But confessed to another

Can be examined

And sometimes

Disappear in the light of the telling

"Confession is good for the Soul"

A few days ago I told a friend that I was having trouble keeping up with the dishes. I don't have a dishwasher and sometimes I just don't want to do them. It bothered me for months! Piling up until I just could not stand it. But since I told her I was having a problem with it, I have rinsed out the dishes and washed them as I use them.

Sometimes behavioral secrets disappear in the light of telling!

What Will You Do If you Don't?

Today is the precursor to tomorrow.

What if this Walnut tree did not bloom in the dead of winter? What if it said "I am too little; the best I can do is a few walnuts anyway. Why bother?!

Would I have these lovely little walnuts growing on it in June? Does it care if I may eat them or not? No, but the squirrels will, I am sure. The nut may even be planted by one industrious little squirrel thinking it will be a nice snack only to find later a small walnut tree instead of a good meal.
What if I did not plant a one foot thin little hedge in the front of my garden bed in 2005 with the sun beating down and the wind blowing and drying out this little parcel of my yard? I did not know if I would be here to see it, but what if I didn't plant it? What would I have now?

Would I have this lovely 5 foot hedge in 2010 protecting my vegies from the late afternoon wind and the beating summer sun? In 2005 I really did not know if I would be here in 2010 but I am AND SO IS MY HEDGE.

If I had just said "It's too hard. It's too much work. I don't like dirt anyway. I won't be here anyway." Or my little walnut had said "It's too cold! I don't have what I think I need to make fruit. Who cares if I make walnuts anyway?" Would I have a hedge or would my little walnut tree have great big walnuts on it?

If you don't do what is in front of you--school, home chores, learning how to take care of you body, or practicing things that are hard, scary, or one of the small steps toward a goal--you will not have the fruit tomorrow will you.

Will you?
Then what will you do? What will you have? Where will you go?

TODAY IS THE PRECURSOR TO TOMORROW!

USE TODAY WISELY

OR LOOSE THE BENEFIT TOMORROW!

How to never need to clean up your room.

First of all

DO THINGS RIGHT AWAY

It usually only takes a minute or two so... Don't put it off. If you do whatever it is just when it happens you will never need to go back and do it when you are busy doing something else.

These 2 rules pretty much sum it up:

1. Don't put it down, Put it away.

2. If it drops, Pick it up.

Rule # 1 Don't put it down, Put it away.

Cloths

As the dryer finishes fold the laundry

It will only take a few minutes each time the dryer stops and the cloths will not get wrinkled and pile up in a dozen baskets to be folded as you watch the 2 hour movie it takes to get it all folded. Taking that few minutes to put them away keeps it from being the daunting task at the end of an endless laundry cycle.

You will always have laundry, always! So, make it easy on yourself and do it a little at a time.

Take it off and...

put it in the laundry

this keeps the floor uncluttered and your room smelling good. The laundry room, well, that is another story.

put it folded in a drawer or on a shelf

Clean folded laundry will look nice when you come to ware it instead of all wrinkled up and messy. Don't put dirty cloths in there!

put it on a hanger or hook

Larger items like coats and jackets can pile up really fast because they are big, but if you hang them up they seem to disappear as well as dry if it has been raining. You will also know where they are--a bonus.

You will never hear "Go in there and clean up that mess!" because there never will be one!

Oh! Change your bed once a week. Put your sheets in the laundry. You sweat during the day and if you go more than a week without changing your bed your room smells like sweat and dirty socks. Yuck!

Dishes

Wash them as you finish using them. You would be surprised what a little water and a soapy sponge can do for your kitchen. If you don't put things in the sink, rinse them out then put them in the dishwasher it is so easy once a day to start it up and all you need to do is put them away. How simple is that!

Every day big meals will be cooked or a project will be made which sometimes means bigger a clean up job. But, if you rinse out things as you finish using them and put them in the dishwasher the cleanup will be almost done. Plus you will not have cross-contamination, germs, bacteria and other yucky stuff all over the nice food you just cooked. This will keep colds and flu from going from one person to the next too! How cool is that.

Rule #2 If it drops...

Pick it up

So many times we miss the trash, let a paper, a toy or just something dirty drop then just ignore it. Just pick it up and put it where it goes. You will never need to touch it again. (this is particularly nice when it is something really yucky.) No worries, guilt or someone yelling at you because you dropped your bike in back of the car and it is now SMASHED!

Wipe it up!

Spills are particularly dangerous. Wet stuff can cause slips and falls not to mention damage of the surface it falls on. Stains and mildew look and smell really bad. No one needs their house to look and smell like that!

Vacuum it up!

Sugar, flour, and other dry stuff can be slippery too. So just get out a broom, vacuum cleaner or mop and clear it up. It only takes a few minutes when it is all in one place, but wait an hour or two and the flour is all over the place and the whole house needs to be vacuumed!

If you learn these few rules you will only need to vacuum and dust once in a while because no matter how close you follow them dirt will come and it will need to be cleaned. But, you will never need to spend the whole day cleaning again!

Yesterday I found out why I do what I do

I have a friend who has taken years to get close to. She has been alone for years and finally had made a cognitive leap into her imagination to create a reality that is really different from any of the rest of us. She was unable to be touched. She took offence at the smallest things. She was combative. She was plain rude at times totally rejecting any sign that she was cared about. As I endured she began to soften.

It has taken years for her to expose her reality to me. As I validated her perspective, yet stayed separate from this construction, she became more and more friendly first finding ways to "take care of me" then just plain affectionate responses still not wanting to be touched however. One day a while ago she spontaneously hugged me. A surprise for sure, but a welcomed change in her.

Yesterday I saw her opening her perspective to a gift I made her. The look on her face of gratitude and genuine love was delightful and the best Christmas gift I could have gotten. Bless her heart--some hope has entered her world.

I have no intention of intruding on her, but because I endured her negative behavior, took her prospective seriously, accepted her ideas, trying to understand where she had developed the construct of her life and genuinely wanted to care about her anyway, She opened her heart to being loved. I am grateful that I did not give up.

It may seem at times, even to me, that who I am is a mistake, that what I think is so far out of step with what the world is doing now that I must be wrong, but yesterday I found out why I do what I do just by the look on her face.

Wow! Merry Christmas

Where are we going?

I am having trouble with Science. Our world is a finite resource. Everything on the planet is in a defined amount. Each one limited by what is here now. Science is exploring how to use every molecule of it, or should I say use up every molecule.

Science has found ways to separate, concentrate, combine, and even change the molecular structure of just about anything they want. Now they are creating a laser that can blow up a planet!--not only using up what we have here, but dispersing what is not even within our reach.

Who do we think we are? What gives humanity(rather a few humans) the right to change things to suit their curiosity, no matter what the consequences to others (animals, plants, elements, even other planets)?

The sad part is that most of us can not grow our own food, cook our own meals, fix our cars, put up our own fences, mow our own lawns, and we do not even make our beds or wash our own dishes. We let our resources mold, rust and melt into the land fill. Science still can not get rid of nuclear waste, scrub the emissions of a coal fueled electrical plant or find a way to recycle about 1/2 of our garbage, but they can blow up a planet!

Wow! Where are our priorities?

Oh, by the way the complaints about your use of electricity? The Hedron Collider in Europe uses electricity at the same rate as a city of 300,000 people. For what? To find out what happened in the big bang at the beginning of the universe. Wow! again. I think my Christmas lights are really no problem!

Projects this last few weeks

Blanket, BB, pillow and booties for Lesa's coming baby. Booties.

Placemats for a house warming, include hot pads for the table. Came out cute.

My little neighbor, 6 year old Leslie's birthday pillow.

Chickens, Chickens and more chickens.

These are placemats for my neighbor's birthday gift. She really likes chickens and has them all over her kitchen so I thought she might like these. Found the panel in my quilt shop and some corn printed fabric for the back. Got to use up some of the hundreds of fat quarters too! yah!

Another thing on the panel was this banner and I put it on my chicken house to let my girls know they are the best.

It is winter so I have covered the windows to keep the wind out. They seem to be very contented even though the light comes on at 5 am. It does keep them warm too so they don't mind. Still have one egg each from the little ladies.

Well, better get on to the next one.

Global warming? or nuclear consequences?

I have become aware of the extent of the nuclear testing in the Pacific. 1.7 Hiroshima bombs a day for 12 years! Do we really think that had no effect on the life in the oceans of the world? In unleashing such a catastrophic amount of radiation, heat, and light into the waters do we really think it had no long term impact?

We are experiencing changes in climate here on the west coast called El Nino, or La Nina which is the shifts in the warm water currents in the Pacific Ocean. How much did that testing affect this seasonal flow of the waters? How many animals are no longer in this ocean because of the radiation?

I am awestruck that we are so stupid.

Why Societies Have Religious Components

Here I acknowledge the abuses of the leadership that exist in this genre, but the point here is to look at the components themselves.

1. Religious components explain the unexplainable so one can let the concern over it go.
2. Religious components give guidelines to the new generation in an otherwise chaotic existence.
3. Religious components limit the abuses that willful hearts can do to the innocent or weaker.

The larger unanswerable topics like" Why do I exist? What happens when I die? Is there meaning to anything? etc... are usually part of religious concepts. These questions come up in every one's life and are unanswerable as far as we know , but religion has given us a way out of worrying about it. Mysteries like these are questions that we will not be able to let go but for the permission the answers given in religious contexts give.

In covering the other topics the religious components gives rest to the innocent and weak, courage to the faint of heart, and limitations to the strong. A government may be able to make laws that do these things but it takes religious components to self discipline ones self to obey these laws. There is no law enforcement that can stop a willful heart only that heart can stop itself.

Without these components of religious belief the young are left with their imagination to guide them. At this time when it is possible in our society to do anything it is important to set some of these limits in the young. Not as controls, but as guidelines for behavior in an ever increasing population to stop us from destroying our planet and to protect us from each other.

It is one thing to talk about freedom of speech and quite another thing to allow slander, lies, distortions and misleading. It is one thing to talk about imagination and quite another thing to abandon reality all together and live in that fantasy.

The things the ancients struggled with are the same as the things we face today. They, over time, constructed ways of limiting (self-controlling) themselves, facing the unexplainable and keeping violence from destroying them. Humanity itself has not changed. We need to look very hard at the rejection of religious components in the context of a whole life lived with the unbelievable limitless possibilities and potential destructiveness we see today.

I hope we will look hard at this gift of religious components that have for generations allowed us to evaluate the value of our self-interested desires, to limit our greed, to control our aggressions, and to limit imagination to the things that make life better for all.

Harvest Moon

Today I experienced the Harvest Moon. In times past I had experienced the rising of this moon as the largest in the year. It peeks over the horizon and then fills the sky. It glows gold in the twilight of the day. It rises up to fill the night air with a pure white light. I did not pay much attention to how long it stayed in the sky. I did not realized it would still be filling the landscape with a bright glow at 6 am making it possible to see everything around as clearly as a street light fills the air with light.

With our modern streetlights we create a hazy gold glow every night of the year but before electricity for millions of years this night light in the sky only happened all night in the fall after the equinox, the first full moon after the equal day and night in the fall.

We are so used to having light at night that we don't even notice it, but once a year our ancestors all over the world could stay up all night with the moon lighting their world for three days! It is no wonder that they had a special celebration of this majestic moon. What a treat.

Aligning one's self

"Aligning yourself with positive people"...that I may be encouraged together with you by the mutual faith." Romans 1:12

Today I saw Ken Burns "National Parks, our best idea". Having been raised in California I knew about Yosemite being the first wilderness aria being set aside as a public park. I knew of the role of John Meir in trying to preserve it for us 100 years before my grandchildren would be able to see this wonder. The fact that it is still here for us to visit is amazing in itself because, as Chani has said the world's people are self-interested and are not altruistic, but Yosemite, Yellowstone, Mount Rainer, the Grand Canyon and other places like these prove that there are some who see into the future and are not just here for themselves.

I choose to be aligned with them-- the John Meurs of the world-- those who see the common good and work to preserve it for the future as well as using it for the present. There are not too many for sure but I choose to be with them.

Altruism is a choice. Giving up what would be good for you in the short term for the future of your family, your town, your country, your state, your nation and the world's future--what more could we do for ourselves than to say we have preserved something, taken care of something, saved something, not wasted something and turned it over to future generations for the good of us all?

In my own way I am doing that. Generations of my family have worked to preserve a heritage for our family, some better than others, it has now come to me. I choose to have it to pass on. I hope that the next generation will do the same.

If this is also self-interest so be it. I want to be that kind of self-interested.

Google each National Park, State Park, and County Park and see what others have left for you! And view the memory book I gave each of you and see what these folks have left for our family.

The Locked Doors

Do you know who you really are?

How did you get put in the box you are in?

Is there someone else inside you that needs to be expressed?

Self examination, life's precious gift to know one's self.

Today I saw Six Degrees of Separation. In this movie a young man pretended/imagined his way into the lives of several prominent families only to be part of a world he was not born into. His fate was, for many of us, familiar.

This monologue was the most significant:

"The imagination has been moved out of the realm of being our link, our most personal link with our inner lives and the world outside that world and the world we share.

What is schizophrenia but a horrifying state where what's in here(head) doesn't match with what's out there.

Why has imagination become a synonym for style... I believe that imagination is the passport we create to take us into the real world. I believe that the Imagination is just another word for what is most uniquely us.

Jung said"The greatest sin is to be unconscious." Holden says "What scares me most is the other guy's face. It wouldn't be so bad if you could both be blindfolded" Most of the time the face that we face is not the other guy's, but our own face.

And it is the worst kind of yellowness to be so scared of yourself that you put blindfolds on rather than deal with yourself.

To face ourselves---that's the hard thing. The imagination--that's God's gift to make the act of self examination bearable."

In me there is a teacher, a lover of knowledge, proficient in many genera, experienced in many fields, but the door was closed because I am dyslexic. I can't spell. Teachers need to spell correctly; this was the first door that slammed in my face.

The door is closed to me who loves the "art" of teaching and the inspiration of knowing that you can share this love, but for those who can follow a line it is open. Many times they shoot down people like me by telling us we ask too many questions. The threat is that we want to know more than they themselves know.

I am not saying that all doors should be opened, for there are many who do not know and need to be instructed. But, so many of us who genuinely love learning, God, creativity, spontaneity, and life are stifled by those who have not the capacity to enjoy the reality of these themselves. They are in control in order to keep "knowing" under their rigid level of understanding. They should rather be guiding us to go beyond the rote to the abstract that created the rote, thus opening the door to go further rather than only knowing what others have said.

However, these same "limiters" venerate those lovers of life...artists, writers, poets etc... while at the same time try to kill their joy by analyzing their lives and quantifying their work and then closing doors to their participation by finding fault.

Thank God I do not accept their limits, but, boy is it hard to feel OK in a world with these circumstances.

Aloneness

I saw a picture of my grandson that reminded me of the way he likes to be alone. I used to be that way too. I remember sitting out on the rocks in front of Cannery Row finding peace in the sound of the ocean crashing on the big rocks splashing up into the sky and falling back into the foam.

I was the oldest in a chaotic family of 4 siblings. My parents were not happy and there was never a quiet moment. Sitting by the ocean with its rhythmic roar was very different from hearing my parents argue or my siblings constant babble. With a dog, 14 cats, 3 siblings and fighting parents there was never a moment of quiet and then came the television, radio , and phonographs. But by the ocean it was all drowned out, not only from the air but from my mind.

There was always the reentry into the chaos but for a moment I was at peace and one with something bigger than myself, bigger than the goings on around me, just the "isness" of being.

This separateness gave me some comfort, but I really wanted to be part of something. I searched all through my life for the one place I fit in, but at every turn there was someone that wanted my place. Someone who was jelous of what I could do or wanted so badly to do it themselves that they needed to discredit me so they could take over. As I backed down to their greater desire I lost my place over and over until now there is nothing that I want to be a part of.

It took me a long time to give up wanting to be part of something. I wonder if he has given up already.

Reflections on Second Weddings

I have thought about my ex-husband's weddings. The vows that were taken at our wedding were that we would "love" each other but have no commitment. These new vows are that even though we may hurt each other we don't mean to. Interesting.

The assumption that one is loved no matter what the other does and the assumption that no matter how hurtful you are to the other they should always know you don't mean it? Interesting. I wonder how many hurts it takes to have this mean absolutely nothing.

This life path is the same as his father's-- spend the first part of your life working out your own frailties, trying to control your spouse, and (intentionally or unintentionally) demoralize the mother of your children until she gives up and then choose someone else to live out the rest of your life with when you have learned what hurts a companion and don't want to do that anymore. Interesting.

How long until women recognize this pattern and stop participating?

That's all I have to say about that.

I saw John Lennon today

I saw John Lennon today, long gone, but still in the ghosts of the video tape. His "bed in" caused quite a stir. The message was "give peace a chance". I have listened to the churches preach "love one another" and the golden rule "do unto others as you would have them do to you" and many more like statements.

I find myself in a quandary. The only way these things work is if everyone does it. Just one person not thinking of others needs, just one person finding that hitting or yelling gets their way no matter if it is good or not, just one person taking advantage of others and the whole "Peace" thing goes up in smoke unless. . .there is something in place that holds them accountable.

Tolerance is fine until someone takes advantage of the tolerance of others. Patience is fine unless someone keeps blocking progress on purpose. Forgiveness is fine until someone repeats the offence until there is no more room for forgiveness. Loving(emotionally) is not enough, but caring what happens to them and being willing to do something about the difficulties they face is another. Words are not enough.

Love, Peace, Tolerance, Forgiveness, Patience, Acceptance, Openness-- All really good words, but there are actions, parameters, and accountability in these words. If not, then there is abuse. Where there is abuse there is disillusion. Where there is disillusion there is disappointment. Where there is disappointment there is discouragement. Where there is discouragement there is depression and at the end there is resentment that causes unloving, un-peaceful, unforgiving, intolerant acts. Then all is in smoke.

We can not afford health care for all but we can spend billions in Afghanistan to stabilize their country. We can send a probe to Pluto, but not give all our citizens secure banking. We can spend millions on entertaining movies, but not for keeping our public parks in order and the list goes on and on and on. . . . . . . . . .

What is wrong with this picture? Peace will only come when we want to take care of each other and stop getting what we think we need despite what it does to others and our planet. Who does this start with? Well, you decide. John said we could do it if we try. I have become a bit cynical. Who wants to try anymore?